Loneliness During the Holidays
Nikki Kett, Boon Coach
Loneliness. An emotion that tells us not only that we are alone, but also that we are the only person in the world who feels lonely. So first, let’s combat our loneliness by acknowledging that loneliness is a universal human emotion. We don’t like to talk about it because we feel like we are the only ones, and the holidays can definitely trigger feelings of loneliness and anxiety
STEP 1 – Name & Acknowledge
If you experience loneliness during the Holidays, be sure to first acknowledge it when it comes up. So often we push away our emotions, but this only invites them to come back stronger. Remember that this feeling isn’t permanent and the more you allow yourself to be with it with love and compassion, the quicker it will pass.
STEP 2 – Create Awareness
The next step is to create a deeper awareness of what comes up. You can do this by naming the loneliness and then noticing the patterns surrounding it.
What are you doing?
Did anything trigger it?
What stories are telling yourself about your life that could be creating loneliness?
Maybe you miss a past version of life? Maybe you miss old friends? Maybe it’s a signal that you haven’t slowed down enough to deeply connect with yourself and your own needs?
The pressure of having your life look a certain way – with a partner, a job, your family, reaching a level of success, etc. – can be created by external societal and familial pressure. When we feel like we are stuck inside a life that doesn’t add up to our level of expectations, it is easy feel alone. It’s almost like loneliness is our brain’s way of shriveling inside a life that we tell ourselves we can’t be proud of.
It’s important to recognize that loneliness is a feeling. It is not a fact. Our thoughts and beliefs about our lives create the feeling of loneliness and oftentimes create a deeper narrative that our lives aren’t good enough and nobody cares.
The truth is, most people’s realities don’t match the Hallmark channel’s version of the Holidays. If you make that a problem around the holidays – start to ask yourself what story you may be telling yourself about the way things SHOULD look. The more we have expectation about how things should look, the more we might start to feel helpless to change it, cause us to further disconnect from ourselves and our needs. Check in with the expectations and pressure you put on yourself for your life to look a certain way; you may notice you are stuck in a lot of comparison of your life to other’s.
STEP 3 – Flip The Narrative
Now it’s time to flip the narrative. Instead of deepening the wounds of how your life doesn’t measure up, start asking – how can I feel connected to myself and grateful for the life I actually do have?
Who are the people that make you feel good to be around?
What spaces make you feel cozy and warm during the holidays?
What things are you doing when you feel good during the holidays?
STEP 4 – Proactively Plan for Connection
If loneliness comes from feeling like you can’t connect with your family or friends during the holidays – it may be helpful to be proactive and plan ahead.
What activities could you do that allow you to feel connected with your family?
What new traditions could you build with your family?
Who could you reach out to during the holidays if you need someone to call?
How can you create a routine where you intentionally connect with things that fill your cup during the Holidays?
How can you create intentional space with your family members during the holiday to connect with them?
As a bonus, here’s a few helpful habits you can use to combat loneliness during the holidays:
· Limit your time on social media
· Make time for yourself to move your body
· Take time to fill your own cup
· Help someone else who might feel alone during the holiday
· Create time to feel and process your loneliness – it’s normal!
Finally, remember that the human experience means that life is a mixture of positive and negative emotions. Expectations that the holidays should be filled with only joy and happiness aren’t realistic. You are still a human being with a human life and a human brain –and that means a multitude of emotions and feelings. You might experience sadness, happiness, loneliness, gratitude, anger, frustration, and anything in between during the holidays. Invite them all in and allow yourself to be present (no pun intended).
If you want to give your employees the gift of processing through all of this with a coach and helping them prepare for the holiday season – book your free demo with BOON today.
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