Give Yourself the Gift of Self Care
Nikki Kett, Boon Coach
As we wrap up this year, there’s one more gift you can give yourself at the end of this holiday season: the gift of self-care as you head into 2022. And I don’t mean just massages, a trip to the spa or a warm bath. Self-care is so much more than that and it doesn’t always feel good in the moment.
True self-care and self-love can be uncomfortable and it’s easy to see it as self-indulgent or selfish. It may mean standing up for yourself and your needs. We get comfortable in our normal routines of doing too much and not taking care of ourselves when internally our bodies are trying to tell us to slow down. When it comes to living our best life—at work, at home and in our relationships, learning to put your oxygen mask on first can go a long way.
What are the things that you want to incorporate into your life that feel difficult? Maybe it’s eating better, exercising more, taking time to slow down and reflect, or more time for family, friends or hobbies. In our fast-paced world where we are always busy with work, it can feel like there is no time or energy left over for taking better care of ourselves. It’s easy to put off self-care activities because “we’re too tired” or “we don’t have time,” but ultimately it’s up to us to make time for ourselves. That is the real self-care. When we create habits that prioritize our own needs and wellbeing, we learn to love ourselves along the way.
So often when it comes to self-care we tell ourselves ‘I’ll get to that when I achieve the next thing.’ But when we reach that goal, our brain is suddenly on to the next thing. We live in a society that tells us that our worth is based on our productivity and how much we are DOING and this can be and endless cycle. We believe that when we get to the next destination, suddenly we will feel better than we did along the way.
The way we reach our destination is everything –it is the quality of our life. Self-care and prioritizing ourselves is a habit we can form. Every time we make a choice that pushes our well-being aside for other things, we are wiring a habit that takes away from our needs. When we have wired in these habits in for a long time, it becomes what our brain is most comfortable with. When we don’t take care of ourselves, we are learning to subconsciously tell ourselves that everything else is more important than our own wellbeing. We are constantly making the decision for or against ourselves and the life we want to be living.
If it feels difficult or nearly impossible to develop habits of self-care, you’re not alone. It can become addictive to our brain to constantly do things that society says we should be doing. Even activities of self-care can become detrimental if we are doing them because we “should” do them without slowing down to think about WHY we are doing them. Anytime we do an activity solely for an outcome it becomes less about self-care and more of a mindless “check this off”. Our brains literally stop producing dopamine in the process when we become focused on outcome.
So how can we overcome this? Here’s some tips so you can embrace self-care in a healthy way to improve the overall well-being of your life:
1. What are the things you want to integrate for yourself? And WHY? Why are they great for you to do? What emotion do you want to feel and how will your life change?
As an example – instead of I should workout because it’s healthy… I want to work-out because it feels great to take care of my body.
2. What is the impact that it will have on the rest of your life?
This one is important because it will anchor in your reason why. How will your relationships improve if you prioritize yourself? How might your work get better? Maybe you will have more energy? So often our brain goes to the fear of what might be lost (like time) but doesn’t calculate what will be gained from that.
3. What obstacles might come up? How can you plan for those?
What will you do if you fall of – what do you want to believe when things don’t go according to plan? How can you learn from failure instead of beating yourself up? What boundaries might you have to set (I can’t go out tonight because I committed to working out)? What will you tell yourself when you are tired or your brain throws you excuses?
4. Allow for discomfort and lots of it with compassion
When creating new habits we expect that it will be easier than it is. That’s why so many New Years Resolutions fail – we underestimate how uncomfortable it’ll be. How can you allow for discomfort and not let it derail you? Discomfort is a sign you are growing. Tell yourself you are safe and nothing has gone wrong, this is part of the process.
5. Celebrate your wins!
Show your brain evidence of the progress you are making along the way and how you are becoming a person who takes care of themselves.
6. What support might you need?
How can you create accountability for yourself? Maybe it’s finding a friend to support you in your goals or maybe you commit to something together? Maybe you invest in a coach to help you reach your goals and prioritize your wellbeing while doing it.
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