Men & Loneliness

Nov 14

Boon Coach, Cator Sparks

Simply Google: ‘Men and Loneliness’ and you will find countless articles written just this year that dig into the profound social annexation so many men are grappling with. There are even retreats that are selling out aimed at addressing male loneliness.

Men are at a breaking point. The systematic trauma of hyper masculinity has taken many men to a place where they can’t share their feelings, can’t connect to their emotions, and aren’t able to ask for help. Statements like ‘Man Up’, and ‘Grow a Pair’ have done us no favors.

As the rest of the world is exploring the world of ‘well being’ more and more, men are floundering to catch up. We see this in coaching on a dailly basis, men who feel like they are not seen and heard, or feel like they are alone on their journey. When men connect deeper with other men they realize they are not alone, they can remove the mask, open up and find connection. Which in turn helps them be better co-workers, fathers, husband’s, and friends.

Ways of combating male loneliness:

Connect with others. Men need to find connections with other men. Look for sports teams, outdoor activities, Father’s events, etc. Political groups may not be the best place as anger often flares up here and men need places to connect with joy and vulnerability.

Take a break from social media. We know people often compare themselves to others on social media apps and can feel less than. Keep screen time to a minimum and instead connect with friends and family IRL.

Join a men’s group. There are countless men’s groups around the country and online such as EVRYMAN and Mankind Project. These organizations focus on men’s mental health and finding connection in a healthy and sustainable way. As Yung Pueblo stated in his recent book, ‘Lighter’, group work can be collective liberation in the context of undoing systems of oppression. In this case, an oppression men put upon themselves.

Work with a life coach. Coaches can be great resources to dig deeper into emotional vulnerability, tools to connect better with others, and yourself. Men who work with other male coaches can find a camaraderie together and this may be ther first man they have ever been vulnerable with. It’s a safe space to break the cycle and find support and resources to continue the journey.